BY: ME, Bestest Furry Friend and Star JournoDog!
Hey, everyone! It’s me, your attention-loving and tail-wagging JournoDog!
My curious nose has been sniffing out the scoops lately, and oh boy have I dug up the newsy nuggets for you all!
🐿️ HOT SECURITY SCOOP: SQUIRREL MAFIA CRIME SPREE!
The small, fast, taunting one — you know, one of the Tree Rats — was spotted again out the Great Front Door. It was sniffing around the orange baby 🎃s, eying them for a pre-winter nibble.
For those who remember, this is just one of the many black toy-sized Squirrel Mafia. They emerge this time of year for the Pumpkin Wars, chewing away at little oranges around the yard and spilling seeds all over my green salad grass.
I wanted to give chase, but couldn’t open glass door. Because, I have no hands or thumbs.
If I could’ve escaped, I would’ve given chase. I would have the paws. And the bark! Knows I could gets Tree Rat before it climbs up my marked pee tree. This would be an important capture.
But no, trapped inside wit Dad. Not allowed to guard.
This is a massive security failure. The Tree Rat remains an international fugitive and a threat to yard and neighborhood peace.
My dedication to the hunt is unwavering. I will gets outside, and I’ll report on its capture next week. I promise.
🧀 🦴 📦 Economy Watch: The Cheese and Smile Box Market is VOLATILE
Ma and Dad spent a strangely long time at the Big Smelly Place (The “Meijer Grocery Store”). The resulting bags were brought into the kitchen.
I performed a full-body inspection of every bag, using my elite nose.
My nose sniffed the cheese!! Sat like a good boi and waited… but nothing. No wrapper sound. No yellow slice for me.
Also no need to toy for this bestest boy ever. Often, Ma or Dad brings me a treat or toy to make me feel better after ABANDONING me for hours. Clearly, they feel guilt. As they should.
Not this time. Nothing for this sad good boy. Another sign economic pet-flation has corrupted buying power and interest of hoomans taking care of pets in the ways they deserve.
Huffed and left room, finding squeaky toy to chew aggressively to vent before laying on carpeted floor and glaring angrily at parents. So mad.
But then, alerted to new security threat!
Heard jingle-ring of Murderer Alarm, or the Front Doorbell as Ma and Dad say. Howl-barked and sprinted to Front Glass Window TV. Saw dark truck with big smile on it in front of my house.
Growl-barked at murderer near the Great Front Door, but he dropped box and fled out of fear of my protectiveness. SECURITY SUCCESS!
After Smile Box was brought inside and opened, a Bag of Crunch (kibble) appeared for me. It soon restocked my daily food tub.
Gleaning the higher cost and hooman grumbling over the price tag, I appreciate the economic spend as part of my required resource management.
As only security guard here, I deserves to be fed and loved well.
The economy remains stable, but fragile. Murderers and pet-flation remain threats.
📣 Next Week’s Forecast:
More guarding. More sniffing. More chews. Hopefully, lots o cheese!
And a detailed report on the strange mail carrier, who sneaks near house every day (!) and smells like an unfamiliar cat.
Stay tuned!
Until next time, or whenever the news beckons like a barking dog you can’t help but pay attention to, #JournoDog out.
As always, remember: Love your dog. Support local journalism. Believe in facts and trust credible sources. And try to smile and find a little happiness for your heart every day.
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JournoDog Chronicles 