Any good JournoDog is always on alert, sniffing out the sniffs and digging up scoops to chew on. Even during the holidays.
For this JournoDog recently, it started with the silence. You’d think with all these sparkly lights and the giant tree inside the house (which I am still not allowed to pee on), there would be more action. But no.
Ma and Dad were in the “Big Sleep.” Ma was on the high bed in the room, and Dad was on the comfy couch after a night of loud coughs and sniffles, from what Ma calls a “man cold.”Still, he was making a muffled whistling sound through his stuffy nose that usually means I’m not getting food or outside for at least another hour.
I poked Dad with my cold nose and stared at him. Nothing. I did a big “stretchy-woof” and scratched the carpet. Not even a stir.
I was bored. And when a dog gets bored, his mouth starts looking for a job.
Discovery of the “Elf-Sicles”
I wandered into the front room, curiously sniffing around. That’s when I saw them: the headbands.
The first one had two long, green-and-red striped legs sticking up. They looked like tiny elf legs. I gave one a polite lick. It tasted like… destiny. And plastic. Mostly plastic.
I figured if Ma and Dad didn’t want me to have a 6:00am snack, they wouldn’t have left such a crunchy, delightful accessory within snout-reach.
I started with the left foot. Crunch. Then the right. Snap. Before I knew it, the elf was “legless,” and I felt victorious.
The Santa Hat Side-Dish
But you can’t have a main course without a side dish.
Right next to the elf remains was a red, velvety-looking hat on a spring. It had this red and green and white fluff on it… kinda reminding me of a bunny’s tail in my yard. But dis one wasn’t running away, so I got!
Dragged it into main living room to snack on it from my pillow bed, within earshot of Sleepin’ Dad. So sneaky!
Every time I chewed, it was like I was telling backyard bunny just how it is.
I worked through the red fabric, found the delicious plastic core, and really settled in for a deep chew. It was the most productive I’d been all week.
The Aftermath
Eventually, the “Sun-Monster” started peeking through the curtains. Dats when my chews made a click-click noise, and stirred Dad awake.
He must’ve thought I’d gotten an empty plastic water bottle and was chewing it, so imagine his surprise when he stood over my pillow bed and saw… it was a Santa headband!
Haha Dad, tricked you! I so proud o myself!!
He took it away, and within only a moment, I felt something go gurgle gurgle in my tummy. Didn’t feel good at all. Moved off pillow and burped that kinda burp, and immeds Dad said, “OK, OUTSIDE!”
Too late. Coughed up mess on carpet. Then another.
Then whimpered to door and went outside into backyard. Could see Dad watching me from window, and heard him yell to Ma about my achievements.
When I came inside, Ma was already working to clean up my carpet messes.
She had already found the first headband snack of mine, in front room on my other pillow bed.
I wagged my tail, proud of my hard work. There were red scraps, green plastic shards, and very sad-looking headband remainders scattered across both places. I looked at her with my best “I’m cute so don’t be mad” eyes.
Ma said something about “That’s why we can’t have nice things,” and Dad called me a “moron,” but I think he was just jealous he didn’t get to crunch on the elf legs first.
My tummy feels a little… festive… now. Heard Ma and Dad talking about watching my poopsies for next couple days, just to make sure all’s OK.
But hey, if they wanted me to stay out of trouble, they should have woken up for the 6:00am belly rub session that I requested before breakfast.
With that, #JournoDog out.
Until next time, whenever the news beckons like a barking dog you can’t help but pay attention to.
As always, remember: Love your dog. Support local journalism. Believe in facts and trust credible sources. And try to smile and find a little happiness for your heart every day.
Happy Holidays, Hooman and Furry Frendz! (And watch your headbands.)
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JournoDog Chronicles 