Happy holiday tail wags and festive snuffs, everyone!
Tis’ da season! JournoDog is sniffing da seasonal scenes, and digging up gift treats (and stray holiday headbands) wherever they may be.
Christmas morning was… an adventure.
First, there was a security breach in tactical visibility. Ma and Dad once again placed the Giant Sparkling Cone of Pine in the front room. Strategically positioned directly in front of my primary observation window.
My ability to monitor the perimeter for squirrel mafia, Evil Smiley Box delivery, and suspicious intruders has been severely compromised.
I had to rely entirely on my superior hearing, which is difficult to do when Ma and Dad don’t ever believe me. That I did actually hear something, and there is something dangerous afoot.
How am I supposed to maintain security when a literal forest is blocking my line of sight? Bullpoop.
However, the morning wasn’t been a total tactical failure. I successfully retained possession of my Green Squeaky Tree. It has a star on top, presumably to show my enemies and potential murderers where the bite-force is concentrated.
As they opened boxes with shiny crinkle paper, I laid in wait wearing my festive red-and-green festive sweater. Ma insists it makes me look “handsome,” though I prefer to think of it as holiday camouflage.
I took a break resting on couch, my eyes drifted shut. Then suddenly, Ma approached with the Big Red Hanging Sock. I investigated with a thorough snout-check.
Ma withdrew a gift from inside. It was from the legendary intruder — the big, fat, jolly white-bearded man. He apparently bypassed my guarding by descending through the chimney overnight. (Note: I will be investigating the chimney for security flaws later.)
The result of his visit? A brand-new, oversized Ducky!
It’s magnificent. Giant ducky is larger than my previous duckies and holds a scent of “factory fresh.” It has a new style of feather, and possesses a squeak that commands respect.
After securing my new Giant Ducky asset, it was time to revisit the security situation.
Despite the window obstruction and the chimney-hopping stranger, morale is high.
I have my Giant Ducky. I have my squeaky tree. Dad is distracted by a plate of cheese and snacks (Note: I also want those snacks and assume he’ll drop them onto the floor soon enough.)
Security may be hindered, but my holiday spirit — and my grip on this Giant Ducky — is unbreakable.
Festive eats
While the Mallard Miracle was a success, I must also report a significant lapse in diplomatic relations during the morning meal.
Ma and Dad sat at the main table for breakfast. The air was thick with the scent of high-value targets: crispy bacon and buttered zucchini bread.
Following standard protocol, I took up a position of “Perfect Politeness.” I sat perfectly still, my ears alert, my eyes projecting a calculated level of soulful longing. I waited. And waited.
The result? Absolute zero.
Not a single crumb of bacon was surrendered. Not even a corner of the buttered zucchini bread, which I assume is delicious.
This level of disrespect is unprecedented, especially considering I haven’t even mentioned the tree blocking my window again.
In a formal act of defiance, I moved to the underside of the table. I didn’t just lay down. I “huffed” in extreme disappointment and dropped my entire Rhody Ridge weight directly onto Dad’s foot.
Consider it a silent protest. If I cannot share in the bounty of the breakfast table, Dad will provide a warm, fleshy footstool until further notice. He seemed to get the message, or perhaps he just couldn’t move his foot. Either way, the point was made.
Until next time, or whenever the news beckons like a barking dog you can’t help but pay attention to, #JournoDog out.
As always, remember: Love your dog. Support local journalism. Believe in facts and trust credible sources. And try to smile and find a little happiness for your heart every day.
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