Your friendly tail-wagging JournoDog is on the scene, sniffin out a tax season scoop.
Ma and Dad have been muttering about tax filings, and staring at screens and stacks of crinkle paper.
That’s inspired me to get busy digging up the truth behind this so-called “tax season.”
Paying the Cheese Tax
Now, any news hound knows that the top tax headline of any credible news report is the strictly-enforced Cheese Tax. You know, the one from the famous Cheese Tax song.
Personally, this JournoDog makes sure Ma and Dad always stay true to the Cheese Tax code.
Every time a wrapper or shredded yellow cheese bag crinkles in the kitchen, a 15% levy must be paid directly to me. Of course, I must first go “Back” from the kitchen and plant my butt on the kitchen edge rug.
And that’s when my Editors (usually Ma), give a toss in my direction to pay the cheese tax toll.
I’ve filed this under essential tail-wagging Security Fees. If I don’t hear the fridge open, how can I ensure the perimeter is safe from rogue intruders and delivery threats?
Water and Yummies
Beyond the fridge, my latest audit shows the Empty Bowl Index is once again hitting crisis levels.
Keeping my water bowl and food paw dish topped off is a mandatory utility tax for the household. I mean, it’s essential for maintaining a moist sniffer for diggin’ up news treats.
Between write-offs and other credits, I’ve determined that the only acceptable refund is a double-scoop dinner.
In this economy, you’ve gotta pay to play, and just like the Lannisters, JournoDog always collects on debts. Still, Ma and Dad always seem to be late filing this required tax.
Professional Taxes
As a working JournoDog, I’m currently lookin’ to write off the following as essential business expenses related to sniffin the scoops:
- Tactical squeakers: These aren’t “toys”as some claim; they are high-frequency communication devices used to alert the neighborhood to the arrival of the mailbox intruder and Evil Smile Box carriers.
- Ergonomic nap stations: A canine journalist is only as good as his senses allow him to be. That means getting needed naps and sleeps. My orthopedic pillow bed and office work “desk” are key pieces of office furniture for staying current on barking news.
- O-U-T-S-I-D-E expenses: Strolls, CAR RIDES, sniffin scoops, and kicking up backyard news divots are all costly canine responsibilities. This means needed collars, harness vest, leashes, and poopsie bags. Along with fuel for CAR RIDES with my Editors to go visit scenes where barking news must be covered.
- Pet care: Word on the streets is a consensus that every vet visit for any pet should be immediately reimbursed by a premium line of biscuit credit. Especially if they make you ride up and down the STAY! Scale, stab your butt with an ouchie sharpy, & steal your blood for canine clones. Sure, they try to bribe you with a few biscuits or treats. But that’s not enough of a tax for the torture.
Community Dog-service
My JournoDog work also involves advocacy journalism, in the form of “begging” for quality control on every meal Ma and Dad make in the kitchen.
This is a pup-service. Just me doing my job, sniffin the sniffs and ensuring accuracy in all yummy places. It’s called JournoDog integrity, for the sake of all hoomans and pets.
Tax-free working dog?
Sources report that pet expenses are typically not tax-deductible, because the Agency of Hooman IRS (or GRS, as in GRRRs?) says pets are “personal property.” And only certain doggos beyond that.
JournoDog finds that all a bit sketchy. But good news, too!
Agency of GRRs also says pets that serve as “legit income-producing biz assets” are also OK, so that must mean me as a true JournoDog sniffin scoops!!!
Rules say social media pet-influencers fall into this category. So any costs for food, grooming, training, and vet care can be written off on “Schedule C,” as long as hoomans keep accurate records.
Now, JournoDog is fun. Some may say it’s a “hobby.” No money comes in for this important JournoDog role I serve.
So I may not be tax-free, but I keep on doing in-paw-tant work in the name of journalism.
My hoomans are worried about “returns,” I’m just focused on the return of delivery security threats. That’s why I stay vigilant, hungry for the truth.
Remember, always support local journalism. Love your pets. Try to find smiles and happz for your heart everyday. And if it smells like cheese, it’s taxable for tail-wags.
-30-
