JournoDog Special Report

Why This Good Boi is Finding it Hard to Tail-Wag Over Recent News Sniffs

My JournoDog dispatches are usually full of happz, in the form of pet-themed news nuggies that bring tail-wags — even if focused on rising kibble costs or the lack of belly rubs during newsy cycles.

But today, I have to put my paw to the keyboard for something more serious.

As a JournoDog, I’m trained to observe. As a dog, I’m trained to be a “Good Boi.” And lately, those two roles are having a massive tug-of-war in my soul.

Let’s just say it’s because of the cold winter white floofs and ICE that no one likes, mostly because it brings frozen hearts and GRRRs whenever present – especially ICEcicles that might just attack you when you’re minding your own biz just sniffn da sniffs or digging up truth.

🤨 🐾

Good Boi Protocol

Ma and Dad have spent years refining my behavior. They’ve invested a lot of treats and toy money into making sure I’m a productive member of society.

According to the House Rules, being a Good Boi means:

• No Barking: Even if the murderous mailman or Evil Smiley Box carrier look suspicious, silence is golden.
  • Note: Security is a primary directive so my “no barking” rule-following may be disregarded as needed. See also: JUST IGNORE RULE ALWAYS.
• No Aggression: Snapping is for turtles, not for well-adjusted canines.
• The Tail Wag Policy: Always greet the world with a rhythmic thump, even if you aren’t feeling it.
• Butt Sniff Discretion: Intros are important when meeting new frendz (or seeing where old frendz have been), a so butt sniffs are the way. But some doggos don’t like this, so practice caution and adapt as needed.
• The Alpha Rule: If a dog comes charging at you with his chest puffed out, I am to look the other way and retreat. Some may opt to show their belly as a sign of bending the knee. Don’t engage. Don’t “alpha” back. I just sniff a particularly interesting blade of grass and move on, to avoid escalating the situation for no reason.

Ma calls it “emotional regulation.” Dad calls it “not being a meanie.” I call it being a responsible JournoDog, just playing well with others.

My Dog’s Eye View

Here’s the problem: I look at the news on the big glowing box or handheld glowing rectangle, and I see hoomans who clearly skipped their basic obedience training.

Again, this is most evident lately with these winter-clad hoomans with facemasks for white floof shoveling and ICE removals. 😠

America feels like a giant dog park where nobody is on a leash and everyone is “alpha-ing” at once. I see hoomans on the screen baring their teeth, growling at neighbors, and snapping at anyone who doesn’t share their favorite toy. Especially those who may not be the same breed as they are.

It’s loud, chaotic, and a bit embarrassing for the species that invented the “sit-stay” command.

I sit here, vibrating with the urge to let out a howl-bark or aerie of angry GRRRRs in protest. I want to tell them that barking or biting doesn’t solve the problem… it just makes the neighbors complain. I want to tell them that being this way usually just means you’re the loudest jerk at the park, not the leader of the pack.

And it makes everyone not like you.

An Observing Dog’s Dilemma

It’s frustrating, even beyond being forced to brave this paw-freezing wintry weather every day.

My instincts tell me to guard the house, to alert everyone that something is wrong O-U-T-S-I-D-E with the way many hoomans are talking to and treating each other.

But then I remember the Golden Rule of the Good Boi: Do not engage with the meanies. Like I was trained, in Doggo School.

So, I stay quiet an on my comfy chair, fluffy pillow, or in my bed. I keep my tail at a polite but heavy wag. And I give snugs and kisses to Dad as gets red in face about the news, and Ma when she must listen to him.

But wearing my JournoDog hat, I have to ask: if the dogs are the only ones staying calm and respecting basic obedience, who is actually running this show?

Would having a White House dog help? Or maybe adding canines to spots where hoomans are making policy? Or maybe that Dog-Hating Lady Who Shoots First shouldn’t be in charge of dog parks, where everyone with a different-looking color fur might get muzzled and sent to a kennel or put down?

Would any of this help instill a sense of obedience or calmness that’s currently absent from so many hooman hearts?

“If you can’t eat it, play with it, or pee on it… maybe stop growling at it for five minutes and see if that helps.” — My editorial philosophy.

I’m going to keep being a Good Boy because that’s the deal with Dad and Ma. But I’m keeping my ears up, and I’m gonna keep sniffin’ da sniffs and diggin’ up scoops (of food) – even as I document the ICE-cold chaos.

Hopefully, the hoomans will take a page out of our “how to dog” book.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, Ma just walked into the kitchen, and I have a lead on a piece of fallen cheese that requires my immediate investigative attention.

JournoDog out.

Remember to love your pets, support local journalism, trust truth and credible information. Don’t hate. And always take time to find smiles, love and happiness for your heart.

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