Hey frendz! It’s me, your favorite four-legged investigative canine correspondent JournoDog, reporting live from my comfy pillow bed right next to the Big Work Desk.
I am breaking into your regularly scheduled day with an urgent pup-date because a disturbing and dire situation is unfolding across the Interwebz:
Hoomans can’t stop staring at their Glowing Picture Boxes, getting their brains completely scrambled by constant news cycles and something called “doom scrolling.”
My tail-wagging vibes are completely ruined by this phenom. You look tired from all that journalism, Dad.
That is why I’m putting my paws where my mouth is and submitting this official, paw-written workplace wellness proposal to my Dad-Editor.
You call me an editorial assistant, but really, it’s all me these days. While you are busy typing away with your deposable thumbs, I am already doing the real paw-leather reporting around here and managing your news fatigue.
JournoDog Experience You Can’t Bury
I have the proven track record for the job:
- Hard News Experience: I routinely unbury ledes in the SE zone of the backyard where I like to deposit poopsies the most. I dig up newsy treats under the kitchen table, sniff out the real sniffs, and separate hard truths from fake news.
- Threat Assessment: This news hound can quickly sniff the difference between my frendz walking by eying my claimed tree, and high-level security threats out the front window.
- Crisis Management: When the Loud Shiny Rectangle gets too ruff for Ma or Dad, I know exactly how to deploy a tactical wet nose boop to reset their hooman brains. If you ignore me, I’m fully prepared to drop a squeaky toy directly on your laptop keyboard.
It’s called workplace wellness, Dad, and I lead by example right here from my comfy pillow bed.
My Official Paw-proposal
You edit the deep thoughts, and let your loyal JournoDog handle the heavy sniffs.
I will officially take over our home security GRRRs against the Ding Ding ‘Truders and those Evil Smile Boxes coming to get us and our U.S. into boxes, while keeping your brain from getting scrambled.
My salary requirements for this promotion are very reasonable:
- 3 crunchy treats per hour
- Daily Cheese Tax payments
- Endless belly rubs
- Editorial veto power over when we go O-U-T-S-I-D-E
- Nap breaks every 25 minutes and after strolls, poopsies, and tip sniffing
- Zoomies in the morning, afternoon, and evening.
I am ready to start immediately, or at least you discuss the opportunity by looking at you with my big brown pity eyes.
Believe me, you won’t be able to resist hiring, or re-hiring me for this assistant editorial role, and putting my workplace wellness paw-prosal into place.
Sending cautious tail-wags and hopeful boops,
JournoDog
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Remember, love your pets. Support local journalism. Believe in facts. No matter what job you have, earn a wage but also treats of joy for yourself. And always remember, try to find some smiles and happz for your heart every chance you get.
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