Hey, frendz! It’s your tail-wagging, scoop-sniffing JournoDog here.
I was taking a nice nap on Ma’s favorite couch spot before she abandoned me for her daily “office job,” when I woke up and started scrolling through the local happenz in the online edition of the crinkly Detroit News paper.
A headline about “Jobbie Nooner” on the big water bowl with waves (Lake St. Clair) and thought it was about my Ma and how she abandons me every day for her “job.”
Oh boy, so ‘cited to see what ‘ventures my Ma is up to at her job. She clearly sells boats, like this news story was about to confirm.
Turns out, it wasn’t about my Ma. Instead, this story focused on a half-century-old summer party full of “debauchery, beers, bros, and bikinis.”
[Yikes!]
While the hooman media was focused on the chaos, my sharp canine eyes caught a stray line buried deep in the dispatch:
“… A dog passed by on a floaty ring.”
Hold the kibble! Pawz the presses!
That’s it?! Was this dog by him or herself? Were they with a hooman pal? Was this canine clinging to this floaty ring for dear life, or riding the water bowl waves in luxury?
So much left unanswered.
We have a floating furry frend conquering the chaotic seas, and this hooman reporter just gave it a minor sniff.
Typical media bias.
Missing the Scoop
To be fair, this was a live-reporting string of updates throughout that afternoon. The next day’s story didn’t even bring up this floaty ring dog. [GRRRR]
And other hooman Det-News journos snapped photos of doggos safely riding on boats and playing with doggy floaty vests. Like they should.
But nothing more on this mention of a mysterious floaty ring dog. [double GRRRR.]
Clearly, questions remain. Inquiring pet minds need to know more.
If I were running the newsroom, this legendary pup would be our headline story dubbed the “Goodest Buoy of the Year.” 🐶
This scoop-sniffin’ JournoDog is demanding an exclusive interview to get answers to other pressing questions:
- Did you actually get any snacks, or did anyone offer you a bite of a soggy hot dog?
- Were you trying to escape the hooman anarchy, or were you just living your best life?
- How did you keep your paws dry while surrounded by scary liquid chaos?
A key question I’d be sniffing out: Who is this pup’s publicist and how did they negotiate this level of absolute luxury?
This is failed hooman journalism, no doubt. Clearly, a canine correspondent would’ve done better in sniffing out the real scoops (of newsy nuggets) here.
Why Should We Care?
This isn’t just a cute photo-op, frendz. This is a matter of urgent animal health, safety, and lifestyle luxury.
Back at this Jobbie Nooner in 2017, hooman media reported a dog that fell off a boat and was losing steam in the open water before a fisherman saved him.
That story had detail and nuance, like any good journalism should when a big breaking news scoop falls into your lap.
Hoomans need to remember that large water bowls have scary waves and big shipping channels.
Parties with loud, scary boom-booms and screaming, sunburnt hoomans can be terrifying for pets. If your pup is on a raft, make sure they are lounging in luxury and not launching a tactical mission to escape the anarchy.
Any journo worth their butt licks would clearly know the respected American Kennel Club advises these 5 simple safety rules for doggos on or near wavy water bowls.
But nope, not this hooman journo. No tail wags for the fella from this dog. 😤
[Add in more GRRRs here, once again.]
Until we get answers, I’ll be safely sniffin’ for scoops on dry land and drinking my water from a stationary bowl that doesn’t move or try to swallow me whole.
That’s all for now. Until the next time news beckons with a bark, JournoDog out.
Remember, always love your pets. Support local journalism. Stay pawsitive, keep your paws dry, and find some smiles and happz for your heart every day.
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